Mental health check-in

Got word that one of my cousins died yesterday. No details yet but I'd put money on it being drug related.

Bit of a head fuck trying to unpack how I feel. That entire wing of our family are horrible bastards that put my mum and uncle through the ringer and have done for decades but this cousin led a decent life until about 10 years ago before getting sucked in trying to help her sister when the state were going to take her kids away.

It was too much to deal with so she hit the drink, her marriage broke up, lost a good job, hit the blues and heroin, got in toe with some really really bad people, lots of trouble with the police and this is where it's ended.

There's absolutely no way I'm attending my aunt or other cousin's funeral when they're time comes but I'm torn on this one.
 
No prayers or mojo required, it hasn't come as a huge shock,the only thing that did surprise me is that it wasn't my other cousin or aunt first.

My uncle is flying in as we speak and against everyone's advice is going to stay with her. My parents get home from holiday tonight, my sister let me dad know but he's not telling my mum until the morning.

My aunt and other cousin are apparently just lolling around in a drink and drug induced stupor so the next few days will be fun. I know she won't stay away but in my heart of hearts I don't want my mum going anywhere near them.
 
jbj said:
Got two very big days in work Tuesday Wednesday, the culmination of around 6 months of work and probably the biggest thing I've ever done in this place but I'm feeling good about it, earlier this week, not so much. I don't stress very easily so it's always quite weird when I do feel it.
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Everything went smoother than I could have imagined over the 2 days. I'm mentally and physically drained though, been in work for 7:30 both mornings and pretty much didn't stop / sit for the entire days.

Lola's going for a groom so Mrs jbj and I are good to try somewhere new for dinner. She doesn't drive which is a pita because I could murder a pint after all that work
 
jbj said:
Got word that one of my cousins died yesterday. No details yet but I'd put money on it being drug related.

Bit of a head fuck trying to unpack how I feel. That entire wing of our family are horrible bastards that put my mum and uncle through the ringer and have done for decades but this cousin led a decent life until about 10 years ago before getting sucked in trying to help her sister when the state were going to take her kids away.

It was too much to deal with so she hit the drink, her marriage broke up, lost a good job, hit the blues and heroin, got in toe with some really really bad people, lots of trouble with the police and this is where it's ended.

There's absolutely no way I'm attending my aunt or other cousin's funeral when they're time comes but I'm torn on this one.
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That is a tough one. Condolences on the loss and mojo for the family drama.
 
Gary Blanchard said:
That is a tough one. Condolences on the loss and mojo for the family drama.
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Thanks Gary. You'll probably know better than most, another cousin who was much closer shared 100+ photos on FB last night.

You can see the long slow descent, she used to be lovely looking and really outgoing, by the end of the photos she's got that gaunt drawn junkie look and the light behind her eyes has gone.

Spoke to my mum earlier. I think my dad's convinced her to keep a wide berth of her sister and not go anywhere near the house which is good.

It's a strange juxtaposition that I've had a real milestone in my career this week whilst this has happened to a relative.

There but for the grace of God.
 
jbj said:
Thanks Gary. You'll probably know better than most, another cousin who was much closer shared 100+ photos on FB last night.

You can see the long slow descent, she used to be lovely looking and really outgoing, by the end of the photos she's got that gaunt drawn junkie look and the light behind her eyes has gone.

Spoke to my mum earlier. I think my dad's convinced her to keep a wide berth of her sister and not go anywhere near the house which is good.

It's a strange juxtaposition that I've had a real milestone in my career this week whilst this has happened to a relative.

There but for the grace of God.
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Amen. anf Blessed Be.
 
So we're a week away from breaking up for the Summer holidays and the other two people in my management team are quite badly ill so I'm spinning all of our plates between now and then and have been since Monday.

I'm knackered and mentally drained but managing it. This is my first year in the job and I've had a tonne of imposter syndrome throughout but I can't think of the last time I questioned wether I was doing a good job or up to the task so that's a good thing.

I'm also hoping to hear before we break up if the role is going to be made permanent. There's been mutterings about things being in motion behind the scenes and a lot of "i didn't tell you this and you'll need to act surprised when you hear from person X about your job but..."

Until it's 100% confirmed though I'm taking nothing for granted. I wouldn't go back to 5 days in the class but having to step down would really suck at this point and I'd need to consider moving schools or striking out into something else completely.
 
So it turns out my cousin's funeral was today. Just found out via a family member posting on Facebook.

It sounds terrible but I'm glad I didn't even know it was happening because it means my mum has kept well away from the shit show and drama that surrounds her sister.

This is the one family member I had a modicum of pity and time for. From here on they don't exist as far as I'm concerned and I do feel a weight off, I'd have felt compelled to go today if my mum was attending.
 
jbj said:
So it turns out my cousin's funeral was today. Just found out via a family member posting on Facebook.

It sounds terrible but I'm glad I didn't even know it was happening because it means my mum has kept well away from the shit show and drama that surrounds her sister.

This is the one family member I had a modicum of pity and time for. From here on they don't exist as far as I'm concerned and I do feel a weight off, I'd have felt compelled to go today if my mum was attending.
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Hard stuff in that it is hard to have to feel that way about family, but glad it worked out for you and your Mom.
 
sunvalleylaw said:
Hard stuff in that it is hard to have to feel that way about family, but glad it worked out for you and your Mom.
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It turns out her, my dad and my uncle did attend but they made their pleasantries outside the crematorium then got out of dodge

I've not spoken to my mum since she went but I hope it gave her some sort of closure. I'd like to hope it'll be the kick up the arse my aunt and other cousin need to get off the drink and drugs and sort their lives out but I'm a realist and it'll probably give them a bigger chip on their shoulder more than anything.
 
Hey folks, long time reader first time writer.
I am mentally exhausted and physically as well. My mother has been sick in and out of the hospital six times since April. She’s literally nearly died a half a dozen times. I’ve had the talk with her about thanks for everything and all that a couple times now. I’m sitting in a hospice facility, waiting for her to pass. No more miracles are to be had. she has moments of confusion and moments of impressive clarity. I’m as prepared as I can be. She has maintained her drive to live and her sense of humor to the end. She is an inspiration..

I only sleep every other night. Tonight is my awake night so Im taking the nightshift. It shouldn’t be long.

Sometime I’ll have to write about the wasted year when I was 47 . I fell into a incredibly intense anxiety with depression for about a year until I found a drug that worked. I’ll write about that some other time.

also my beloved dog has terminal cancer. He has already lived past his expected life and still doing ok. The turmor is growing to point where it is starting to interfere with other things. I hope he lives a little while longer because I don’t have the strength to deal with that right now.
 
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Dudeman1967 said:
Hey folks, long time reader first time writer.
I am mentally exhausted and physically as well. My mother has been sick in and out of the hospital six times since April. She’s literally nearly died a half a dozen times I’ve had the talk with her about thanks for everything and all that a couple times now. I’m sitting in a hospice facility, waiting for her to pass. No more miracles are to be had. she has moments of confusion and moments of impressive clarity. I’m as prepared as I can be. She has maintained her drive to live and her sense of humor to the end. She is an inspiration..

I only sleep every other night. Tonight is my awake night so Im taking the nightshift. It shouldn’t be long.

Sometime I’ll have to write about the wasted year when I was 47 . I fell into a incredibly intense anxiety with depression for about a year until I found a drug that worked. I’ll write about that some other time.

also my beloved dog has terminal cancer. He has already lived past his expected life and still doing ok. The turmor is growing to point where it is starting to interfere with other things. I hope he lives a little while longer because I don’t have the strength to deal with that right now.
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Mojo. Watching a parent die is tough. And I can't imagine facing losing a pet on top of that.
 
Dudeman1967 said:
Hey folks, long time reader first time writer.
I am mentally exhausted and physically as well. My mother has been sick in and out of the hospital six times since April. She’s literally nearly died a half a dozen times. I’ve had the talk with her about thanks for everything and all that a couple times now. I’m sitting in a hospice facility, waiting for her to pass. No more miracles are to be had. she has moments of confusion and moments of impressive clarity. I’m as prepared as I can be. She has maintained her drive to live and her sense of humor to the end. She is an inspiration..

I only sleep every other night. Tonight is my awake night so Im taking the nightshift. It shouldn’t be long.

Sometime I’ll have to write about the wasted year when I was 47 . I fell into a incredibly intense anxiety with depression for about a year until I found a drug that worked. I’ll write about that some other time.

also my beloved dog has terminal cancer. He has already lived past his expected life and still doing ok. The turmor is growing to point where it is starting to interfere with other things. I hope he lives a little while longer because I don’t have the strength to deal with that right now.
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Thank you for reaching out and sharing first of all. Secondly, I’m so sorry you are going through all of that. Sending Mojo. Hang in there, buddy.
 
Dudeman1967 said:
Hey folks, long time reader first time writer.
I am mentally exhausted and physically as well. My mother has been sick in and out of the hospital six times since April. She’s literally nearly died a half a dozen times. I’ve had the talk with her about thanks for everything and all that a couple times now. I’m sitting in a hospice facility, waiting for her to pass. No more miracles are to be had. she has moments of confusion and moments of impressive clarity. I’m as prepared as I can be. She has maintained her drive to live and her sense of humor to the end. She is an inspiration..

I only sleep every other night. Tonight is my awake night so Im taking the nightshift. It shouldn’t be long.

Sometime I’ll have to write about the wasted year when I was 47 . I fell into a incredibly intense anxiety with depression for about a year until I found a drug that worked. I’ll write about that some other time.

also my beloved dog has terminal cancer. He has already lived past his expected life and still doing ok. The turmor is growing to point where it is starting to interfere with other things. I hope he lives a little while longer because I don’t have the strength to deal with that right now.
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That’s a lot of mental weight to carry. Poor Mom. Poor you. Poor dog. I hope things become a little bit easier for you at some point. Mojo sent.
 
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