Help! Trouble in band paradise

Well unless you're on the verge of taking the world by a storm, I wouldn't think image should matter much. However, I personally can't stand playing music I don't like. Fortunately in my band days, my band mates often wrote songs that I actually liked: sometimes. Good luck


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Chad said:
The last band I was in, we had a similar situation pop up all the time. My brother in law was the main songwriter. Our bass player would come in with songs, that were not only not our sound, but just plain bad songs. Most of the time, we would seriously re-write anything he brought in. We'd play through them, let everyone have some input, then my brother in law and I would re-write them. If they were too far gone, we would forget to put it in the setlist. I'm not sure how long your shows are, but we would do 3 hours gigs, so sometimes throwing in 1 or 2 terrible songs wouldn't be a deal breaker.
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You’re exactly describing my situation. It’s not even so much that the songs are different, they are just terrible songs. Derivative boring riffs that don’t evoke any sort of emotion.

And I know he can do better, he has written great stuff before.
 
you could always try working together to transform the songs into something that works for your band, if you're both open to that.


I have a buddy that has a habit of joining established bands with a strong willed band leader. He starts out into the band's vibe then eventually wants more creative input and tries to get the group to push outside of what they're currently doing. Eventually everyone gets frustrated and before too long, he's looking for a new sitch.
 
You goofed. You accepted his efforts to fulfill your vision, but apparently didn't communicate about how you were not willing to do the same in return.

Key word: communication.
 
The 3 reasons I jacked in bands and srarted DJing:

1, having to deal with other band members
2, more money
3, having to deal with other band members
 
If it is your band, you owe it to everyone to let them know that up front...we will do X, we won’t do Y. And you have to be more willing to be more invested—emotionally, financially, time-wise.

Set ground rules up front...who will be writing, who will be writing parts, what is expected of each member, etc.

And you have to be open to fact that people will leave if they don’t feel the band is a fit.

Good bands have a vision and usually one or two people are in charge. If people like the vision or the people or the opportunity, they are welcome to get on board. And if they’re not into it, you have to be willing to let them move on...and if a band member has an alternate vision they wish to pursue, you can’t be a possessive dick who berates them for starting a second project and not loving your vision enough.

I’d sit this other guy down—buy him lunch or a drink—and just lay it out plainly.
 
Sounds like his "vision" is not the same as yours. This situation will only fester and deteriorate until reaching an abrupt and likely ugly end. He needs to start his own band, you need to find a replacement. Better to show him the door now than to be caught out with gigs on the books and no 2nd guitarist.
 
Can't believe I'm saying this: Peen is spot-on.

The communication that needs to occur is not at all about "what kind of music to play" but about who makes final decisions, etc. Interpersonal dynamics.

Either way, you now owe the communication, given the individual's contributions. And not to put too fine a point on it, but if you are outnumbered, you could find yourself needing a new band soon.

Please don't take this the wrong way -- I have profound limitations when it comes to creating with others; I'm great at being a sidekick, but as leader I'm a complete dictator and feel badly, so I just do stuff alone and of course that leads to bad workflow.

What I'm trying to say is, maybe compromise for the purpose of a) generosity towards the other person; and b) possible unforeseen positive outcomes?
 
You probably need to go to a leadership seminar. You could learn how to reject his material in a way that he feels flattered.


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rickenvox said:
You probably need to go to a leadership seminar. You could learn how to reject his material in a way that he feels flattered.


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Oh trust me, I know how to. But I refuse to sugarcoat things. I am blunt and upfront, and I expect the same from others.
 
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