Dealing with anxiety

MonkeyZero said:
That's exactly my work in progress. It's hard. I find comfort in the gloom and doom sometimes because it feels normal.
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That is what many of my addicted clients find. They are miserable in their drug use, but it is comfortable and familiar. It really is learning a new normal, which can be scary.
 
MonkeyZero said:
A lot of focus on social anxiety in this thread. Mine is not that. I WILL flake out on social gatherings in exchange for sitting home doing nothing but it's not through fear of people.
My anxiety is an impending doom kind of feeling. I can never pinpoint the exact cause but when it comes on, oh boy. I do recognize certain triggers and avoid those if possible but unfortunately some of my triggers involve work and to avoid those would be a very bad idea.
I went into a panic a couple weeks ago because I had a closing shift. I usually work morning or mid shift. I go in at 11am to close and I'll tell you, by 930am that morning I was sitting in my recliner breathing deeply and trying to clear my mind. No idea what caused it.
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Yeah, though I do have some slight social anxiety, mine is usually more of the "impending doom" feeling too. It's horrible and it makes me feel so stupid because logically I know that there's almost never any true reason for me to be feeling that way, especially when I can't pinpoint why, but it just doesn't go away.

I do hide it well, especially at work. I wonder how many people are doing the same thing? That's another thing that's tough, looking at everyone else and always feeling like "why can't I just feel normal, happy, or together like everyone else does?" Again, logically, I know that everyone has issues and puts on a brave face. But if you could reason your way out of these feelings then they wouldn't be a problem, right?

I spent the first hour of my workday sitting in my office hoping nobody would come in. I was on the verge of tears - again, for no reason. I'm a good bit calmer now but that first hour was really scary.
 
rhino said:
To @smurfco when was the last time you went to the doctor for a routine physical type checkup?

There can be physical things at play that have mental symptoms. Blood pressure is a big one that comes to mind.
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Within the last 8 months or so, but I need to find a new primary care physician up here in Connecticut.
 
MonkeyZero said:
That's exactly my work in progress. It's hard. I find comfort in the gloom and doom sometimes because it feels normal.
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Yeah, I get this too. It's like, if I start to feel happy or carefree or enjoying things, it's like I remind myself "hey, you're supposed to be miserable" like that's my baseline or it's what I deserve or something. It's awful. Like I said earlier, I'm not suicidal or anything, and most of the time I am together enough that I feel fine - but I can't remember the last time I felt truly, really happy and relaxed for more than a very brief period of time. And I'm sick of it... hence going to talk to someone. I really hope it helps.

Thanks again to everyone for chiming in.
 
smurfco said:
Yeah, I get this too. It's like, if I start to feel happy or carefree or enjoying things, it's like I remind myself "hey, you're supposed to be miserable" like that's my baseline or it's what I deserve or something. It's awful. Like I said earlier, I'm not suicidal or anything, and most of the time I am together enough that I feel fine - but I can't remember the last time I felt truly, really happy and relaxed for more than a very brief period of time. And I'm sick of it... hence going to talk to someone. I really hope it helps.

Thanks again to everyone for chiming in.
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Best wishes moving forward and mojo!
 
This is why you're such a witty and funny guy Smurphco. True Story. Mojo nonetheless. I've battled severe persistent depressive disorder and major anxiety my whole life. I honestly don't know what it's like to not be in the grasps of them to some degree. There are a lot of great meds out there, the only caveat is that it can take a lot of time and patience to find what works for you. Everyone's brain chemistry is different. Drugs that are a miracle cure for some people have the basic effect of kicking the Hulk in the nuts on me. It's easy to allow the trial and error process of going through the different meds and combos to pull you even deeper into the hole. Just know that something, sooner or later is going to make a difference. How much of a difference is never a guarantee. Cognitive behavioral therapy and other treatments also go along way.

You're not alone.
 
Thanks everyone again. One week later and it's still really bad. I have an actual appointment to talk to a professional on Wednesday and I really hope it helps. This has not been an easy weekend.

Having said that, I really do appreciate everyone else sharing here. It makes me feel a little less alone, little less crazy. Even just to read that other people have gone through similar and much worse things than I am helps a lot. And reading all of the stupid shit everyone posts all over the forum always brightens my mood. So thanks.
 
smurfco said:
I spent the first hour of my workday sitting in my office hoping nobody would come in. I was on the verge of tears - again, for no reason. I'm a good bit calmer now but that first hour was really scary.
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Used to be I'd just about unravel if I came in in the morning and had a voice mail blinking. It was very rare (we're mostly email) and it was never good news, so I'd sometimes let it blink all day.
 
This is enlightening to me. My daughter recently determined that she has a severe anxiety disorder (and possibly OCD) and has been going to counseling this summer to help deal with it. We never knew about this. She's always been one of those kids: straight As, athletic, etc. She graduated Cum Laude from college and is currently excelling in an occupational therapy masters program, but apparently moving away to NYC, dealing with all the pressures of school and a terrible roommate got her to the point where she decided she needed help.

I feel stupid for having spent 25 years with her and never realizing there was a problem. She's always been one of those people who HAVE to be on time, but then so am I, so I guess I figured she was just a bit high-strung.
 
Anxiety is the new normal. The world changes faster than the human animal can adapt. The stress hormone response was valuable when we were living hand to mouth and in control of our existence, but there is too little under our control today. Freaking out because the bears are getting too close to the campsite makes sense, freaking out because of stock market volatility is fruitless.
 
Back at the office and it's rough but manageable. I guess this is my anxiety blog now, or anyone else's if you're having trouble. I really need this to get better quickly but I know it's a process. I've been trying to learn about meditation, Buddhism, going to psychology, changing my meds... whatever it takes. I'm open to it. I also know that these rough patches tend to last two to three weeks for me, so that helps me to ride it out too. But when I'm stuck in the middle of one of these patches it's hard to remember what it's like not to feel this way. Hard to remember that it's probably going to get better relatively soon. I want to be able to nip it in the bud when it starts to happen.

One of the hardest parts of all of this is - I studied psychology, I've been to psychologists and other people before, I know what my conditions are... so I know logically what's going on here. And I know logically that it's my obsessive thinking and my anxiety that's making me feel this way. But knowing all of that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Or maybe it does - maybe otherwise I'd be in even worse shape. I know there are people who deal with much greater psychological ordeals than this on a more frequent basis, and I don't mean to portray myself as some sort of poster child for suffering. I also know that in the grand scheme of things my problems are small.

But it's still scary as hell, and it still hurts like hell.

To those of you that have an even harder / longer / more protracted struggle with this than I do - you have my respect, my sympathy, and my sincere wish that you find some positive relief.

Anyways that's today's entry into Smurfco's Anthology of Sadness. Back to the KFC thread.
 
bsman said:
I feel stupid for having spent 25 years with her and never realizing there was a problem.
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Don't. As someone earlier in the thread said, people are really good at hiding this stuff, even if they're hiding it subconsciously. Aside from the few close co-workers I've shared it with I'm sure everyone at the office thinks I'm happy as a clam.
 
How can one tell if a clam is happy??

Is it the way it pisses itself when one is evicting it from its sandy home??
 
Wow. I never realised the depth and complexities of some of these issues. When I opened this thread I would have said I had mild stress & depression. I didnt realise how mild it was. It has a couple of real negative impacts on my life and relationships but nothing like the daily pain some of the thread contributors obviously have.
Much mojo to you guys.
 
knotty said:
Wow. I never realised the depth and complexities of some of these issues. When I opened this thread I would have said I had mild stress & depression. I didnt realise how mild it was. It has a couple of real negative impacts on my life and relationships but nothing like the daily pain some of the thread contributors obviously have.
Much mojo to you guys.
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Thank you. Of course I'd prefer it if nobody suffered like this, but I (and hopefully others) find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. This is a more or less anonymous forum (though plenty of people here know me in real life, or have known me online for over a decade) or else I probably wouldn't be as straightforward about all of this. But it is therapeutic, maybe selfishly for me, to be able to talk about it and to have some folks to relate to about it. And we all have our own definitions of pain. What's severe for me is probably mild for some of the folks on the forum and vice versa.
 
smurfco said:
Thank you. Of course I'd prefer it if nobody suffered like this, but I (and hopefully others) find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. This is a more or less anonymous forum (though plenty of people here know me in real life, or have known me online for over a decade) or else I probably wouldn't be as straightforward about all of this. But it is therapeutic, maybe selfishly for me, to be able to talk about it and to have some folks to relate to about it. And we all have our own definitions of pain. What's severe for me is probably mild for some of the folks on the forum and vice versa.
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It's certainly not madness. I think its just evolution lagging behind. The world is changing at such a rate now that we as a species just cant keep up with the changes in society, technology, politics etc etc. Some people can just accept or ignore it, others find it harder. But I'm a semi retired IT guy and crap guitarist whos still hoping for his first play on stage at age 65. So what do I know? thwap0
 
^^..Good point....Here's a start though nobody will believe...

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smurfco said:
Thank you. Of course I'd prefer it if nobody suffered like this, but I (and hopefully others) find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. This is a more or less anonymous forum (though plenty of people here know me in real life, or have known me online for over a decade) or else I probably wouldn't be as straightforward about all of this. But it is therapeutic, maybe selfishly for me, to be able to talk about it and to have some folks to relate to about it. And we all have our own definitions of pain. What's severe for me is probably mild for some of the folks on the forum and vice versa.
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I'm just as glad you started the thread. It is nice to see (this is gonna sound weird) other people also struggling but to be able to relate and talk it out.


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